Three Queers Winning "No explanation - No Apology"
1. Colleague No. 1 has exquisite taste in concert fashionwear. They merge the traditional with something new and fresh – and then add something quite untraditional.
2. Colleague No. 2 specializes in 16th and early 17th century art songs. They perform wearing a dress, instead of the traditional jacket, tie, and slacks.
3. For 20 years, Colleague No. 3 wanted to cut their long and flowing hair to a much shorter length. They also wished to dress in a more contemporary style, rather than the expected long, formal gown. Both adjustments were forbidden by the Elders who expected everything to remain long and flowing.
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a. Colleague No. 1 struggled with those stares and glares from people across the room. That crowd clearly didn’t find their concert-ware suitable for the concert stage. Colleague No. 1 started ignoring them as much as possible, focusing instead on what they wanted to bring to their musical performance.
Not too long into this new process, their bookings and engagements increased, including both solo and concerto dates. They also received a major grant from a national institution to fund their passion project.
b. Colleague No. 2’s performances of 16th century and early 17th century songs are immediately gripping and utterly convincing. It takes 60+ seconds for audiences to be completely overtaken by what they heard. Dress and dresses were no longer part of their concert equation.
c. Ah, Colleague No. 3…my favorite. Since cutting their hair (20 years late), Colleague No. 3 has won two principle positions at two major U-S orchestras. I’m not saying a good haircut wins auditions, but it can make someone look and feel sunnier, and even more assured than pre-haircut.
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What do colleagues 1, 2, and 3 have in common?
They stayed the course – their course – despite the pushbacks, the inappropriate expectations of others, and the disapproving glares and stares.
Each made the decision to be their authentic self and offer little explanation and no apology.
This is a powerful formula for living.
Little or no explanation. (And definitely) No apology.
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These are my set ups and my responses illustrating “No Explanation — No Apology” in action.
*Why do you perform wearing dresses?
**I like how it feels, and I like how I look.
*Why do you dress so weirdly?
** It’s who I am.
*You don’t look like the other harp players I’ve seen.
**I like how I look with shorter hair, and the stylized pantsuits I wear look and feel elegant.
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Anyone remember this conversation with a four year old. It’s the perfect illustration of “No Explanation -- No Apology.”
